I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
