This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
