Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
