you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize