We're facebook friends in real life
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
