dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
