**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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