suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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