I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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