He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Who died my cat blue again?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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