You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
