Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
