watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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