Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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