I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
