Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
