I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
