One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
