do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
