she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
