i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
