you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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