i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
