I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize