Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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