the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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