Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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