im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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