I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
