Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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