i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
