We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
