I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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