ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
