I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
