I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
