I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I supernannyed him into submission
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
