perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
