you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
