maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
