It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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