cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
