We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize