i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
