The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
