Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
