Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
