either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
