see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
