I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize