so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
