Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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