I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
