I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
