I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
