Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
