You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
