is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
