Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
