my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize