i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
