went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
