you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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