why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize