Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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