I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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