this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Damn victory sex feels great
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
