i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
