I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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