I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
