My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
