when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
