you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
