I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
