I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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