walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
