I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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