New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
