i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
