So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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