How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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