Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
