I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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