we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Of course I have a pirate flag
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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