Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
