dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
