I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
