I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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