I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
