drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
