why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
