my mouth tastes like poor choices
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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