Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
