I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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