I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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