How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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