we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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