"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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