i already hear my dad disowning me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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