im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
