i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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