I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
